Dear Universe

26 11 2013


Dear Universe,

Hi there, it’s Z here. Now I don’t ask for much – I never have. I am fairly easy to keep happy. However I have been advised that in order to achieve our deepest desires all we need to do is ask you nicely, so I thought I would give it a go. That way we both know where we stand.

My deepest desire for a number of years now has been to own a house. This is not a new goal but it is becoming increasingly important to me as I will have my own child mid way through next year and I want him/her to have a safe and comfortable home to live in. So really I m not even asking for myself – I am that selfless!

I have just seen the most perfect place. As is always the case though, the deposit is a sticking point. I am trying really hard to raise as much as possible as quickly as possible but I am paying high rent and bills for my current accommodation and it is tricky. Now I understand that asking you for money is considered crass so I will simply say that I really want my own home and could you lend me a helping hand?

It could be in the form of a loan or maybe a small lottery or scratch card win, – I don’t care about the top prize on the Euro Millions but £7500 ought to do it. That isn’t a lot to ask is it? Achieving a perfect credit score would also be a small help in the right direction. And I genuinely believe that I am more deserving than another property developer who will charge high rent for another professional couple to shell out each month – no doubt preventing them raising a deposit for their own place.

So please, please, please Universe help me out.

Love and hugs Z


Buying a home – I need a garden

9 06 2013


Every month I provide an update of my progress towards buying my own home.

This is my big mission in life right now and it is something I feel very passionately about. Whilst this goal is never far from my mind; in the summer months my desire for home ownership is even stronger. When the sun is out and friends continuously populate their facebook status updates with talk of beer and BBQ’s – I really miss having a garden.

I grew up in a house with a great garden complete with swing set. When I was a teenager my Mother finally got the conservatory she always wanted and my Dad got his patio. Mum is a real opportunist when it comes to good weather and I would regularly come home from school on a sunny day to discover her mid preparation for a family BBQ.

I want that in my own life. Just to be able to step through a set of French doors into my own outdoor space to get a bit of colour on my skin would have a massive impact on my leisure time. As a teacher my main holiday is in the summer and it would be lovely if I could make better use of this time. I have not lived in a property with a garden for the last 8 years. I live in a top floor flat. It is baking hot in the summer months and very uncomfortable. In addition to the heat the other disadvantage of the summer months is that the cracks in the damaged ceiling and walls seem more noticeable than in winter.

Of course I could go out to a local park to read my book in the sun – but its not quite the same. Each month FFOMC and I creep ever closer to our goal of owning our own property but it never actually feels any closer to actually happening.






JULY 2012


23 – June 2014



22 – June 2014



21 – June 2014



20 – June 2014



19 – June 2014



17 – May 2014



15 – March 2014



14 – February 2014

MARCH 2012


10 – January 2014

APRIL 2012


                      6 – October 2013

MAY 2012


10 – March 2014

JUNE 2012


6 – December 2013


26 04 2013


I discovered an image shared by a friend on Facebook today raising awareness of the condition, LUPAS.

I have dutifully shared this but to be honest it is not a condition I know a lot about despite the fact that I myself was diagnosed over 10 years ago.

Embarrassingly, most of my knowledge about the condition comes from American TV series House starring Hugh Laurie. My understanding from this show is that although doctors test regularly for LUPAS, it is almost never what the patient is actually suffering from.

Except sometimes it is…

LUPAS is an autoimmune disease that can be fatal. Basically the immune system becomes confused and attacks healthy body tissues sometimes including organs. I found the following list of common symptoms on the internet posted by a medical professional recently diagnosed with the condition:


  • Painful or swollen joints and muscle pain
  • Unexplained fever
  • Red rashes, most commonly on the face
  • Chest pain upon deep breathing
  • Unusual loss of hair
  • Pale or purple fingers or toes from cold or stress (Raynaud’s phenomenon)
  • Sensitivity to the sun
  • Swelling (edema) in legs or around eyes
  • Mouth ulcers
  • Swollen glands
  • Extreme fatigue

Before my diagnosis I visited my GP about the fact that I was losing my hair. At the time I honestly thought he would recommend more iron in my diet or some other smple fix for what I viewed as a trivial asthetic problem.

I was not expecting a biopsy.

The diagnosis shocked me at first, but I resolved not to research the condition furthur. I do not want to ever be defined by an illness. I refuse to allow a medical condition to hinder my day to day life. My Mother gets most upset with me about this and thinks I should slow down and when I am rundown that I should consider whether my condition is playing a part. When I was first diagnosed I used anti-malarial medication  that made me feel ill and I stopped eating – screw that! Who wants a cure that is worse than the original condition? I do not want any furthur information about LUPAS as I do not want to suffer imagined symptoms simply because I have read them on a website.

However I do suffer from fatigue and occassional depression because of this condition, I am extremely sensitive to extreme temperatures and I have a bald spot on the center of my head where hair will never grow back due to clinical scarring. It is difficult when you have a condition that is invisible to the rest of the world and when I try to explain it, the most I can say is “I get cold in winter, hot in the summer and feel tired sometimes”. Who doesnt?

God willing I will never experience the more agressive symptoms associated with LUPAS, as if I do I may need to confront this condition head on. But for now it will not become who I am and I will continue to push myself accepting it as a minor irritant but not a major issue in my life.