Personal Best

29 03 2013

Bad grades

I try extremely hard not to let negativity to seep into my Blog posts – even on extremely bad day’s -but I must warn you that this post comes with the caution that I may appear a little more disgruntled than usual as today has been extremely ‘trying’. I am however writing this in a moment of calm contemplation and attempting to retain my sense of humour.

It is two days since the deadline for submission of coursework passed for my GCSE class and I have had a record breaking number of parents emailing me, phoning or simply popping in to inform me that I have no empathy for how hard thngs are for their kids, to let me know what a horrendous job I am doing and I am also vilified for my attempts to encourage students at risk of failure in their exams, to rethink sections of their work before it is sent to the examiner. I have found the bizarre response of these parents extremely motivational as I am sure you can imagine!

If I had one message for my students after today it would be “Seriously guys – MAN UP!” My own mum would have crucified me for this kind of needy behaviour and would never have attempted to blame my teachers for mistakes I had made.

However this has all resulted in an earth shatteringly brilliant idea for a staff league table I would like to start.

We need to track a number of things across the year:

The member of staff who:

Spends the most time correcting and helping students redraft work

Is first to make a student cry

Receives all completed coursework by the deadline

Waits the longest to receive all completed coursework

Has the most ridiculous parental complaints

Has largest number of parental complaints

There is so much I could add but when I have a completed list I would like to devise appropriate “rewards” for the “winners”.

E.g. If you spend hours marking a student’s work you should perhaps achieve some sort of additional qualification yourself.

If you get all of your coursework back first you should be given an extension task to challenge you further by marking other people’s coursework.

If you have the highest number of parental complaints you should have the opportunity to complain about poor parenting.

These are just thoughts but I feel that some sort of formal process may make these days a little more tolerable.

I'm part of Post A Day 2013


Should I swap Laminating for Latex?

12 02 2013

Despite how much I love my teaching job, I have had a number of bad days recently and I must admit that my mind has wandered to thoughts of moving on to pastures new. I have long held the view that teaching may not in fact be the most rewarding career option available to me; but with my personal skill set I am not sure what else I could do if I decide to seek work elsewhere. I have often thought that Pole Dancing would be fun to try but I have been wondering – would it make a good career choice?

I decided to explore this BIG ISSUE furthur.

Exotic Dancer

Pros of quitting teaching and becoming a pole-dancer:

1/ I will not have to spend every day babysitting other people’s kids only to have their parents regularly remind me what a bad job I am doing of raising them in addition to the expectation that I; educate them, mark their work, complete reports, offer 1:1 tuition and catch-up sessions when they miss deadlines and take my work home with me.

2/ I would have no marking to do (unless lipstick and body art qualify as ‘marking’)

3/ I could tell clientele when they have been naughty without them accusing me of being “mean”.

4/ I could expect the support of the security team/bouncers whereas I have forgotten what my current Senior managers look like.

5/ There would be no expectation on me to chase people up if they arrive late.

6/ I would receive Tips – rather than boxes upon boxes of Quality Street as a thank you for my efforts.

7/ I have heard that in the exotic dancing industry it is easy to tell if you are doing a good job and punters are pleased with your performance.

8/ I can finally swap laminating for latex.

9/ Instead of cramming lunch into a 25minute time slot (at the same time as supervising children on detention, marking a late essay that needs to be submitted with other coursework and having an impromptu meeting with line manager about missing admin) I will simply stop eating in order to fit into skin tight leather, spandex and latex – much cheaper and I will be a size zero in no time!

10/ Alcohol available at work (I’m not going to lie – this could be the deal breaker!)

11/ No one will comment about my short working hours and long holidays.

12/ Instead of feeling the urge to correct strangers children’s behaviour I will develop a host of strategies to punish their fathers and deal with the problems at the source.

13/ I can admit openly that I do not give a stuff about the Olympics and its legacy.

14/ I will have no need to pretend an interest in nail polish, make up short skirts ties not correctly fastened, top buttons left undone or inappropriate footwear.

15/ I can safely say that all the people at work are w**kers without fear of contradiction.


Cons of quitting teaching and becoming a lap-dancer

1/ I might actually have to start working long hours, throughout the year and make some effort to get to work on snow days.

2/ Evening shifts would play havoc with my Soap viewing preferences.

3/ I may on occasion be expected to wear a uniform to work.

4/ I would be forced get in shape and keep fit while I am at work.

5/ I would lose my ability to instantly identify the one lone chatterbox in a room.

6/ If a client called me Mom by mistake it would be of slightly greater concern.

7/ I may develop an increased dependency on hand sanitizer.

8/ I would no longer be able to set lines, detentions or call home as a sanction for poor behaviour.

9/I am pretty sure there is no pension plan in the lap dancing industry.

10/ It would be less easy to cover up any ‘holiday weight’ with baggy jumpers.

11/ I would be expected to endure loud music at work.

12/ I am pretty sure my wedding ring would not be considered suitable ‘work attire’.

13/ Adults find me less intimidating than kids.

14/Instead of the heart wrenching experience of hearing the words “Hi Miss” when –I am out shopping I may feel a sense of empowerment when last night’s client storms past me blushing crimson and ushering his wife/girlfriend out of sight as quickly as possible – all this without the need to have an awkward conversation feigning interest in how he spent his day.

15/ Despite its flaws – I really rather love teaching and although it irritates the life out of my some days I suspect I would come to miss it!

Well now thats sorted teaching it is so, I guess I better plan 5 hours worth of lessons for tomorrow, mark a few essays and journals, read my emails and respond to them…hang on what were the cons of pole-dancing again…?

I'm part of Post A Day 2013