Should I swap Laminating for Latex?

12 02 2013

Despite how much I love my teaching job, I have had a number of bad days recently and I must admit that my mind has wandered to thoughts of moving on to pastures new. I have long held the view that teaching may not in fact be the most rewarding career option available to me; but with my personal skill set I am not sure what else I could do if I decide to seek work elsewhere. I have often thought that Pole Dancing would be fun to try but I have been wondering – would it make a good career choice?

I decided to explore this BIG ISSUE furthur.

Exotic Dancer

Pros of quitting teaching and becoming a pole-dancer:

1/ I will not have to spend every day babysitting other people’s kids only to have their parents regularly remind me what a bad job I am doing of raising them in addition to the expectation that I; educate them, mark their work, complete reports, offer 1:1 tuition and catch-up sessions when they miss deadlines and take my work home with me.

2/ I would have no marking to do (unless lipstick and body art qualify as ‘marking’)

3/ I could tell clientele when they have been naughty without them accusing me of being “mean”.

4/ I could expect the support of the security team/bouncers whereas I have forgotten what my current Senior managers look like.

5/ There would be no expectation on me to chase people up if they arrive late.

6/ I would receive Tips – rather than boxes upon boxes of Quality Street as a thank you for my efforts.

7/ I have heard that in the exotic dancing industry it is easy to tell if you are doing a good job and punters are pleased with your performance.

8/ I can finally swap laminating for latex.

9/ Instead of cramming lunch into a 25minute time slot (at the same time as supervising children on detention, marking a late essay that needs to be submitted with other coursework and having an impromptu meeting with line manager about missing admin) I will simply stop eating in order to fit into skin tight leather, spandex and latex – much cheaper and I will be a size zero in no time!

10/ Alcohol available at work (I’m not going to lie – this could be the deal breaker!)

11/ No one will comment about my short working hours and long holidays.

12/ Instead of feeling the urge to correct strangers children’s behaviour I will develop a host of strategies to punish their fathers and deal with the problems at the source.

13/ I can admit openly that I do not give a stuff about the Olympics and its legacy.

14/ I will have no need to pretend an interest in nail polish, make up short skirts ties not correctly fastened, top buttons left undone or inappropriate footwear.

15/ I can safely say that all the people at work are w**kers without fear of contradiction.

teacher-silhouette

Cons of quitting teaching and becoming a lap-dancer

1/ I might actually have to start working long hours, throughout the year and make some effort to get to work on snow days.

2/ Evening shifts would play havoc with my Soap viewing preferences.

3/ I may on occasion be expected to wear a uniform to work.

4/ I would be forced get in shape and keep fit while I am at work.

5/ I would lose my ability to instantly identify the one lone chatterbox in a room.

6/ If a client called me Mom by mistake it would be of slightly greater concern.

7/ I may develop an increased dependency on hand sanitizer.

8/ I would no longer be able to set lines, detentions or call home as a sanction for poor behaviour.

9/I am pretty sure there is no pension plan in the lap dancing industry.

10/ It would be less easy to cover up any ‘holiday weight’ with baggy jumpers.

11/ I would be expected to endure loud music at work.

12/ I am pretty sure my wedding ring would not be considered suitable ‘work attire’.

13/ Adults find me less intimidating than kids.

14/Instead of the heart wrenching experience of hearing the words “Hi Miss” when –I am out shopping I may feel a sense of empowerment when last night’s client storms past me blushing crimson and ushering his wife/girlfriend out of sight as quickly as possible – all this without the need to have an awkward conversation feigning interest in how he spent his day.

15/ Despite its flaws – I really rather love teaching and although it irritates the life out of my some days I suspect I would come to miss it!

Well now thats sorted teaching it is so, I guess I better plan 5 hours worth of lessons for tomorrow, mark a few essays and journals, read my emails and respond to them…hang on what were the cons of pole-dancing again…?

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13 06 2013
32F | Zehira-blog

[…] I am currently a 32F – not something to brag about, unless of course I seriously intend to swap laminating for latex or become a Barbie! It’s a stupid size to be and very difficult to shop for. Where does one go? […]

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