Body Lotion

15 01 2013

It is a good time of year to reflect on the big questions in life. Having recently restored the house to order after the festive season, started a clear out to make room for my newly aquired treasures from my loved ones, I came across a stash of old body lotions in my bathroom.

It prompted me to wonder – who the **** actually uses it?

Every year I receive some fabulous and thoughtful gifts from my family and friends but in amongst the absolute gems is the obligatory bath set. I love receiving this type of gift set; after all we can all make regular use of MOST of the items contained within; soaps, bath and shower gels, bubble bath etc. even it is not our usual or favoured brand it will at some point make it into circulation when we run out. But lurking in every gift set is a damn body lotion.

To the best of my knowledge every woman who has ever received a gift set containing a body lotion has done the same thing; shortly after discovering it, they plan a “relaxing bath”. This is usually accompanied with lit candles, soothing music and thousands of bubbles. This will take place when they are still enjoying time off work and have the time to indulge in what is commonly termed; some “quality me time”, (who has time to bother with such insane self indulgences during the rest of the year?) and they will use said lotion after their bath. However, as soon as they have smothered every inch of their body with the gloopy, sickeningly, sweet scented lotion, they replace the lid and promptly place it on a shelf or in a cupboard in the bathroom and NEVER LOOK AT IT AGAIN! That is, until they discover it the following Christmas coated with a thick layer of dust, and they briefly wonder why they dont use it more often before chucking it in the bin to make room for the new arrival which is at that very moment wrapped in festive paper and waiting under the Christmas tree.

It is an item that women are perceived to want. It is an accompaniment to the perfume or toiletries you actually want and will actually use; a little like ordering an all day breakfast and realising too late that it comes with black pudding.

Some of the gift sets available are beautifully presented and therefore make more appealing gifts than buying each individual item on its own. However if you are feeling tempted to purchase such a gift, do yourself a favour go to a store, buy a selection of toilteries for your wife/girlfriend/sister (delete as appropriate), that you know she will like, stick it all in a basket, wrap with clingfilm and fasten using the high heat setting on a hair dryer, wrap with a ribbon and write a sentimental note on a gift tag preferably with the thoughtful phrase that every woman wants to read at Chritmas

“Body lotion not included“.




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